Updated: Feb 17, 2021
After having memories come in my awareness that had me remembering being hurt, I found myself struggling with them. It was odd that for a couple of days, I couldn't just count on my "positive mindset" to get me to a place where I thought I "was." I thought I was in a good place with those memories and "done." It wasn't just my memories of favoritism that I was dealing with though. It was also other members of my family as well who have been in that mindset. I tried reasoning my way through it by telling myself, "Remember the good times, don't focus on the "not so good." The energy of hurt was still lingering though.
This morning, I remembered something that I often try to use to put perspective on a lot of those issues that can come up, especially if it involves another person. Intention. Did the other person intend to do what they did or did they just not know better? Often, this question that I ask myself will take off a lot of the "heat" of the anger or the "sting" of the pain that I find myself in. With that, many times I can at least get myself to a place of acceptance. It's not saying what was done was right or wrong. But there are plenty of times where we hold onto feelings of anger, sadness, etc., because we are only thinking about our side of it.
Sometimes we think to ourselves, "They should know better." Really? How many times have we hurt others without intending to do so? Hopefully we learn from those situations. But that's the thing. Not all of us learn the same things at the same time. And especially as adults, do we have conversations with the other person(s) about what is going on or do we just get angry, sad, etc., and then become bitter about it without even letting the other person know? We can apply the same consideration to those who we still feel hurt us, but are no longer either in our lives or have passed.
And to be clear. This is not about denying our painful memories. I know my guidance would say something from a higher level of understanding. But how can we find peace in our minds for those things that we wouldn't label as "trauma," or "abuse", but we still find ourselves coming back to in our minds and feeling good about?
This morning, I eventually remembered a situation where I felt I needed to end a relationship. However, what happens if we say the following in our minds to those we've hurt unintentionally? What if we imagine our loved ones who hurt us unintentionally, saying this to us?
"I'm sorry I didn't love you the way you wanted/needed to be loved."
I was able to find my way back to acceptance. The mindset of, "I'm still hurt." dissipated rather quickly for me. I'm still there too. It feels better in my mind and in my heart. We all have different ways of expressing our love and that word "love" alone, means so many different things to each of us. Sometimes we just aren't on the same page. Sometimes we make assumptions about what is or isn't loving based on our own ideas and experiences. Are we open to having those sometimes difficult conversations if we're still able to do so? Maybe it doesn't have to be so difficult, but just honest. "Hey, I don't know if you realize that I felt ____ when this happened with us."
So if we're not feeling love the way we want, does it mean they don't love us? And with those who have passed, while we may not have received the love from someone the way we wanted, does it indeed mean that we weren't loved? For most of my issues, the answer is almost always that I indeed am and/or was loved. The love actually does continue from our loved ones from other planes. We connect with our hearts. That doesn't mean we always connect with our minds though. That's a whole different topic though. :)