Once I started to record videos to see what I could bring through, I often found myself cringing on the inside believe it or not. I would have images of friends or family members that, in my mind, could take offense to, not only what I was doing, but the messages brought through. I would even edit content out of some of the videos that I perceived could be taken the wrong way. Why?
I'd ask myself that and of course it was fear of rejection. Even though I only had a couple of people actually confront me about what I was doing, it was strong for me. My normal M.O. in life was most often about not causing any waves. I still don't like conflict and I've often done what I could to avoid it. I'm actually very good at working issues out so it doesn't come to it, and a lot of time, that meant going inside and figuring out "my stuff" first.
One of the things that most people who know me don't really know or understand is how, even before my abilities as a empathic psychic guide & channel really opened up, I had this strong desire to make a difference. As my guides have told me, we are not all here to be the same type of guides. As I am not of religion, but I have a degree in psychology, I found the path of spirituality more in line with my line of thinking. Mainly because it was so vast. A smorgasborg of things to learn and experience! Or so I thought. I still found that I didn't feel like I could fit myself into what a lot of people were teaching.
Don't get me wrong. I am grateful for all of my experiences, teachers and those that I have met along the way. The one thing that I noticed was that it felt like a lot of teachings were more directives on how to be "spiritual". Especially some of the older teachings. That and there was fear either in the background (of sorts), or outright being talked about as a necessary part of the learning process. The need to protect myself. I knew the one things I definitely didn't and wouldn't reinforce for myself or others was fear.
Fear. The thing that has held me back in many ways in my life ever since I was a child. I won't lie and say that I didn't have to confront a lot of fears in the last few years, but to be honest, the hardest fears for me to conquer haven't been about any of the Soul work or energy work that I did. It's been about letting go of beliefs. The mask that I've worn (as so many of us often do) with friends and family. I wasn't even raised in a religion, however I have family and friends who are. There is a very subtle conditioning that I feel in that. Not from them, but just from the mere fact of wanting to keep those relationships...safe. Let's be honest. Sometimes, the more ingrained people are in their beliefs/mindsets, the more people can lash out to defend them. I understand. I made sure I could come through with proof of my abilities just for that reason. I'm not looking for confrontation, but I am open to questions. I can serve anyone as I can connect to Soul, but I've had to look inside and admit to myself that people of religion are most likely going to get their needs met somewhere else. And that's ok.
Taking the mask off can be scary. Some people may look at you and it's almost like they don't even know who you are in some ways. I've always tried to be as authentic as possible and I think I managed to do a pretty good job for the most part. However, now that I've been opened up to a new way of Being, it's time for me to be open about what I've gone through in order to hopefully help those who "open up" in the future.
My guides often incorporate some of what I've gone through or am experiencing as a way of showing others about what the process looks like for me. They let me know where I need to let go or look at stuff as well. I also get to experience a lot of AMAZING things, so please don't feel like it has to be a grueling experience. Not everyone needs to go through a "Dark Night Of The Soul" type experience. Your journey is your own.
I'm finding that the more that I connect with my Soul, the more that I feel compelled to share that process. The intention that I try to always come through with is about honesty, but that's sometimes difficult if you have a narrative running through your mind that someone you care about is either going to take it the wrong way or get hurt. Well, at least it is for me. I'm getting better about that!
However, I can often feel myself stifled when I do that. What I'm aiming for is a sense of freedom. Not from other people, but in trying to live up to who others think I am or who I should be, based on their own understanding and/or beliefs. I'm making progress. One day at a time. : )