Why I Don't Ask for "Forgiveness" (It's Not What You Think)

I recently was given a message from my Soul that someone I know was wanting to make amends with me. I first wondered if they were feeling like they were going to die soon, and I knew I was getting this from Soul-level guidance. Were they feeling fearful about making it to their idea of heaven? I reacted a bit. I didn't know why, but I definitely didn't feel like everything was ok. I care about the person, but at the same time, I've been noticing how going through this process has me looking at my relationships a lot which isn't unusual, but I'm going more in-depth. In some ways, because of what I do, I don't have a choice but to look at what's going on.

So a couple of days later, I was reflecting on the words "amends" and "forgiveness." One of the things that I've never done (that I can remember) is to ask for forgiveness from someone. I will definitely apologize, take responsibility for what I've done, and hopefully understand & learn from it. I've also naturally been able to let go of just about any hard feelings I had for anyone that hurt me. That's just me, though. Having gone through therapy a couple of times, getting my degree in psychology (ages ago) definitely helps me to understand that people do a lot of things for a lot of reasons. I give people the benefit of the doubt most of the time, and if someone didn't intend to hurt me, that gets me a long way in being able to let it go and find peace. I also give myself the same compassion. Did I intend to hurt someone? Almost always, the answer is "no."

Why is it that I don't ask for forgiveness, though? This is just my own personal observation for myself, but once I got it settled in my mind, I felt a sense of calm, even though I know the idea of not asking for forgiveness would go against a lot of people's beliefs. If I do something to hurt someone, if I apologize, I am owning up and taking responsibility. In my mind, if I ask for forgiveness (especially without apologizing), I am now putting a potential burden on the other person to give me an answer to ease my own guilt. As someone who has been a "people pleaser" practically all my life, often to my own detriment in various ways, saying "yes" would have been done before I actually came to that place of forgiveness in my own mind and heart and truly felt it. How many people just want to hear the words of forgiveness if it's not actually true for the person saying it?

If I'm the one that hurt someone, maybe I should sit in those feelings for a bit rather than just try to shift the burden onto someone else. If I hurt someone, ask for forgiveness and get it right away, various things could happen. One, I'm so freakin' perceptive of others that I'll most likely know whether someone actually has been able to "let it go." Am I now upset that the other person didn't forgive me because I "thought/felt" they should do so? Why put either one of us in that situation? It can lead to some strange dynamics in the future. How many people have been hurt and know that it often takes time. I also have to be in a position to forgive myself. That can take time as well. I tend to be harsher on myself than others if/when I hurt them, so that issue of self-forgiveness is a whole other issue in itself.

If I'm the one that's been hurt, my "go-to" is to try to understand the situation as soon as I can. Once I get to that place, I feel like I can better evaluate where I am and try to let my healing process begin, work through anger (if there is any), etc. I do realize that many people ask for forgiveness for many reasons, often can't work out an issue, etc., due to various circumstances and this isn't necessarily addressing those issues, especially those who are taught to do various things according to faiths/religions. This is just my own experience of how I would handle a situation if I hurt someone. I'm huge on personal responsibility and not shifting the emotional burden (for lack of a better word at the moment) onto others. And yes, I'm already getting messages from my own Soul about this as I write. It's just a moment in time for me to express.

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